“Be yourself.”
The most applauded advice in the 21st century: plastered on the walls of every elementary school classroom and preached incessantly by self-help social media gurus. At first glance, why wouldn’t it be? Championing authenticity in a society that demands uniformity can seem like a radical thing – noble, even. But the modern idea of complete freedom of expression is more aspirational than it is practical.
“Being yourself” is the ability to act, think and live according to one’s own values, desires and beliefs, independent of societal pressures. It is not just choosing a unique hairstyle, wearing a quirky outfit or having an unusual opinion. This kind of authenticity can challenge traditions, disrupt expectations and even confront authority. It requires courage because the individual assumes both the responsibility and the consequences of resisting norms.
Humans, being social creatures with innate biological instincts to conform, typically struggle with this kind of disruption. This tendency to favor societally accepted “nonconformity” is not solely a product of social media or modern marketing. It is deeply rooted in human nature. Even millions of years ago, when the first humans walked the earth, acceptance historically increased one’s chances of survival. Isolation posed risks: dangerous predators, resource scarcity and lack of shelter or defense. Although dependence on a group is no longer a requirement for physical safety, this tendency still primarily helps drive decision-making.
Evidence of this instinct is also backed by psychological data. Most notably, researcher Solomon Asch conducted a series of conformity experiments to further understand these social pressures. In the Asch paradigm, the study’s participants were asked to identify the length of a line as a group through a unanimous vote, all the while surrounded by planted actors who intentionally said incorrect answers. Rather than disagree, a majority of the participants conformed to the group’s incorrect response, not wanting to risk social disapproval. Asch’s findings through his experimentation demonstrated that oftentimes, the need for external approval can override objectively simple judgment calls or personal beliefs.
Individuality, in the superficial, modern sense, does not actually demand meaningful risk-taking. While it is framed as the ability to openly celebrate one’s uniqueness and personality without compromise, there is a caveat – differences should be honored only if they remain socially palatable.
Social media influencers share painstakingly curated snapshots of seemingly ‘real’ moments: waking up makeup-free, a messy living room, lazy days lounging in sweatpants. For this purported “authenticity,” many are rewarded with new followers and overwhelming positive support. Commercials and television intentionally highlight actors with unique features and quirks – and can reap the benefits of a more expansive, diverse audience.
The stability of this status quo cannot be underestimated. In real-world situations, nonconformity is often equated with rebellion. 21st century society is structured around efficiency and hierarchy; following established norms and general codes of conduct is of utmost importance. Deviation from these norms, especially in settings where the pressure to conform is high, is seen as disruptive and threatening. In a classroom environment, for instance, students who challenge accepted standards, institutional rules, or curriculum risk being framed as insubordinate – even if there is some basis for their critiques. Yet, these same students are told the evidently false narrative that authenticity, desire for change and social skepticism are praiseworthy traits.
This paradoxical dynamic is representative of the tension that exists between valuing true individuality and protecting social order. Societies rely heavily on predictability and uniformity to function efficiently, while laws and regulations reinforce structures designed to minimize disruption. True nonconformity, then, is not only rare but often invisible; the majority of people navigate their lives within a carefully negotiated balance of personal desires and social acceptability.
The most celebrated acts of nonconformity – scientists who challenge prevailing theories, artists who invent new styles of music and art, or activists who speak uncomfortable truths – are lauded precisely because they risk loss, criticism, or ostracism.
This reveals a fundamental truth about individuality: society tends to reward risk only after it has been proven safe or useful. Original thought, bold expression, and radical challenges to convention are often tolerated only when they no longer threaten established hierarchies. Until then, those who truly break from conformity occupy a precarious position, vulnerable to criticism and misunderstanding. Positive recognition often comes as a retrospective acknowledgment rather than an immediate affirmation of bravery or insight.
“Be yourself” is not a simple slogan; it is a lifelong negotiation with both internal impulses and external expectations. Authenticity carries a cost, one that is often understated in popular culture. Truly, embracing one’s ‘real’ self is not about performing differently for an audience, or collecting praise for curated uniqueness – it is about making deliberate choices that align with one’s values, knowing that approval is not guaranteed and that the path of authenticity is rarely easy.
So, be yourself.
To an extent, because the world rarely allows more.
