Breakups are always hard, but the holidays make them worse. Between gifts, travel and all the celebrations, it can feel impossible to know the right time to end things. Should it be before or after the holidays? There is no perfect answer.

Breaking up before the holidays can, without a doubt, make some things easier. You avoid awkward moments, forced smiles and pretending everything is fine. Additionally, it gives you space to start fresh in the new year. However, it can also make the season feel empty. What should be a fun time, with lights, music and traditions, suddenly feels lonely. Even small things, like a favorite holiday movie, can bring up what you lost.

It can all feel so confusing. You might wonder if you’re making the right choice, of if waiting a little longer would actually help. There is no guidebook for this kind of decision, and everyone reacts differently. You might feel sad one day and perfectly amazing the next, and that’s normal.

So what does come with waiting until after the holidays? You keep the peace, get through evens and maybe avoid hurting someone’s feelings. But waiting can also be stressful. Every interaction starts to feel fake if you know it will end, and simply pretending everything is okay can make the holidays feel heavier.

Social media does not help either. Everyone seems to post the happiest pictures with their partners. Seeing that while you are going through a breakup can make it even worse. It is hard not to compare yourself, especially if your ex can see the posts too.

There is no right time to break up. It is never easy. But thinking ahead, being honest and trying to respect both people’s feelings can make it less painful. The holidays will still be hard, but planning at least saves a bit of cheer.